I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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