Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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