dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
