Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
