My first STD was from a foam party
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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