Apparently you make a good broom.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
