I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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