he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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