Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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