she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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