I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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