So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
