just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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