I will die if light touches me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
