Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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