Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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