I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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