I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
