we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
