and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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