Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
