woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
