I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
