Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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