So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
