i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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