So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
