Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
