Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
