Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
