I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
