when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So much rum. So many feels.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
