My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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