i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
