Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
