You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
