Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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