i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
