All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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