I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
