When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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