Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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