Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
