Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
