My room smells like vodka and shame
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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