it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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