Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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