You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
well you can't waste a boner
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
