We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
