That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
