the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
