ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
