I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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